I get very annoyed, no, I get very angry about people who seem to think their life is so fucking awful they can’t cope with the day to day rigours the rest of us seem to have to cope with.
Recently my Twitter feed has been full of a lot of wank, workfare, depressed souls and self serving disability.
Let me tackle the workfare thing firstly. I was out of work for nearly two years, without this kick up the arse I’d still be claiming the dole.
Let me explain, when you lose your job you have the inclination to take a few weeks off. Let’s face it, you’ve been working hard, you deserve a week down the pub, a week with your feet up, a week wanking, a week scratching your arse, and before you know it you have reached the realms of the unemployable. Easily sorted you might think, I’m an intelligent bloke, I can get a job anywhere… No
You end up depressed, trying to explain yourself to a cunt who is on basic wage who has a quota to reach to reduce the benefits the tax payer pays. In my case I ended up with £40 a week with a deficit of £30 a month on my rent. Left me with roughly £130 a month to live on. I was disgruntled to say the least, I wanted more help, I got nothing.
Workfare came along, an extra £20 in my pocket and my expenses paid, free welfare packs, which consisted of toiletries that were sorely needed, and a fund that provided me with money to buy a suit so I could look smart during my next interview, it’s very far away from what is being reported.
We hear of the Tesco disaster, one tiny mistake in wording after putting up with a massive pile of wankers who didn’t want to work to begin with? Trust me, all the people on the course that I was on had no intention of working, didn’t even have the aptitude to work even if given a punch in the head. ‘I want to be an artist’, ‘I want to be a mortician’ , ‘I want to be a cock sucking whore’. but offered a job in McDonald’s they say it’s below them.
What I have learned after my hiatus from the working world, earning £30k a year isn’t a gimme, you have to work for it. I worked for it before, I have no idea why I forgot my place. Cleaning toilets isn’t above you, serving beer isn’t above you, get your arse into gear, the world doesn’t owe you anything, you owe the world.
Depression is also tackled in the same way, I have found that having self worth negates all negative effects that the dog tries to throw at you. Bite back, be yourself, fuck the world. Being you will undoubtedly find you more sex and three orgasms a week gives you a 50% less chance of dying of a heart attack. Live for now, not for yesterday.
One thing I was a regal force in was the drunken blog post, mainly fuelled by listening to bigoted views of drunken people at work then relaxing with a few beers after finishing at the pub and sharing those views.
I found it exceptionally easy to get a rise out of readers by just implying a slight wrongness on any particular subject, it could have been something as innocuous as the price of sprouts before the Christmas rush or an easy pop at Republican views, always a good one for comments from over the pond.
This was obviously before the newspapers cottoned on to the fact that bloggers were getting more readers than their papers, so professional writers entered the scene and practically killed all but the best blogs overnight. It’s a great shame this happened as the communities I have been part of were amazing, some exceptional writers were met and lifelong friendships were forged during those times.
Anyhow, I’m only going on because I am drunk at this very particular moment. Those who know me know that I waffle and flirt, eventually ending up arguing over a nuance. Hopefully in such a way to cause maximum offence but not enough to punch me in the face. It’s a very delicate balance, it takes an immense talent to notice the edge point, I am such a talent :D
I can infuriate the calmest, most laid back person alive. I should be employed by The Daily Mail. Alas I don’t hold with their political views. But I am offering my services to all and sundry.
My blog has died on its arse, nobody reads me anymore, you can tell by the lack of comments and the amount of blog posts I manage to produce. I do however know that people used to enjoy reading what I wrote and I am erudite and funny, so surely someone out there might like a guest writer from time to time.
KoA is up for sale, for free. o_O
I had become a terrible sleeper of late, I had no idea why this was the case, all I knew is that I’d be awake until the early hours of the morning and once asleep I’d wake up from time to time, eventually hearing the alarm after what felt like a couple of hours of snoring.
As you can imagine this impacted a lot on my life. I was constantly tired, late for work, unable to concentrate, generally feeling like a zombie all the time. I’d even stopped interacting online, so something was terribly wrong. It’s quite a horrible situation to be in, you are tired beyond belief but are unable to sleep. I can only liken it to a one armed man hanging off a cliff with an itchy bum, the frustration was complete.
So I decided to replace all of my bedding, new pillows, a new padded mattress cover, an electric blanket and new sheets.
You know what? I’m sleeping like a cat on a hot sunny day now. I’m so happy.
It seems that in middle age my body can no longer just shut down for eight hours without basic comfort like I used to. At one time I could easily fall asleep on any floor available, even a busy train station with people stepping over me. Now it seems I’ve turned into the Princess and the Pea.
Money well spent I feel, I’m more human now, not bad for someone born on Alpha Centauri.
What a year it was, memorable to say the least.
Personally I found 2011 full of huge highs and deep lows, I for one hope that 2012 doesn’t contain so many instances of change, I much prefer the Status Quo.
January saw me finally getting an interview after nearly two years out of work, what was even better I got the job! I cannot stress how demoralising that period of my life was, the constant rejections, most of the time not even getting a letter of acknowledgement from thirty or forty applications each month. Plus the demeaning trip to the Job Centre to be treated like a naughty child who wasn’t doing enough to get his gold star for his homework, then being sent home feeling even more battered with the measly handout that is deemed enough to live on. I’d like to see Cameron try to live on £60 a week.
But that is now behind me, I found gainful employment, not a fantastic paying job, but it does allow me to start paying off my debts and not rely on 10p noodles as my main source of nourishment.
I was exceptionally lucky and thankful to my friends Lorna and Rob, they generously donated a car to my cause, making my trip to work much easier, a now paltry ten minutes instead of an hour for a six mile journey, the joys of public transport, but also easing up those little things that you never think of until you don’t have access to your own transport. The weekly food shop, laundry or simply being able to get somewhere quickly. It also gave me a little breathing space and time to save for a car more suited to my needs instead of having to buy a banger. For this I will forever be grateful and in their debt.
The Summer bought some terrible news, my father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Within about two months of complaining of a pain in his back he sadly passed away. A blessing it was so quick, but I would never wish upon someone to die in such a fashion, nor for anyone to have to watch helplessly as the inevitable happened. I will forever remember the long train journey to Wales, looking out across the sea, knowing full well why I was traveling that day.
On a lighter note, I managed to avoid the bailiffs, I’ve even managed to scrimp and save to buy a few things for myself, the main one being ‘The Monster’, a Volvo C70. A really posh car for me, but it was cheap and I could just about afford to run it. Its managed to take me back to Wales and back a few times, so I reckon it was a good buy.
I also managed to save enough to buy myself an iPad, I cannot stress how much I love this gadget. I barely use my laptop now, my portal to the web is the iPad. I urge you all to buy one, you won’t regret it. In hindsight it was probably a foolish buy at the time as it was uncertain if I would keep my job, I was simply covering maternity leave so I was expecting to be job-searching all over again. But I must have impressed someone out there, or maybe all my bad luck over the last couple of years meant that I was due some good karma, but I was kept on, much to my delight.
So life was looking pretty peachy heading towards Christmas, them mum took a tumble and broke her leg, due to her age this frightened the shit out of the whole family, but this seemed to have been a blessing in disguise because they replaced her hip whilst repairing her femur, otherwise she would have had to wait another year for such an operation. Mind you, if she didn’t have to wait so long she wouldn’t have fallen, go figure! She was home within a fortnight but hobbling on crutches, so I ended up having to cook Christmas dinner. I think it went down alright, nobody died of food poisoning anyway.
So, onwards to 2012, the year we all die in a fiery cataclysm if the Mayans are correct, or maybe not, so there is no excuse not to live your life to its fullest. I for one wish for a less eventful year but one full of promise. Let’s see how it turns out.
I do keep being asked to write more, I really do not know why. Bowing down to the barrage of online urges, here’s another small excerpt. Perhaps not one that will make you laugh or rile your sensibilities, but one to make you think, perhaps not about me, but others.
I dreamed once that I would be killed in a violent fashion. I was walking down a set of stairs in Wales, I was stabbed in the chest, I fought back, as I would, but eventually fell. During this dream I felt each blow, especially the stab, but also the draining of my life blood, so much so, I awoke in a horror. That feeling stuck with me for a long time, it made me careful.
It wasn’t a scary dream, it was just painful at the moment and shit me up due to feeling my being draining away. I awoke still feeling the stab wound.
Today, my life has changed, I’m no longer in a confrontational situation/lifestyle, my dreams have changed. I’m now more afraid of dying without anyone noticing.
My choices and lifestyle have left me without the privilege of children to look after me, no wife or girlfriend to care if something happens to me, no friends that would miss me if I didn’t answer the phone or didn’t walk into the pub one evening. I expect if I didn’t turn up for work it would take weeks for someone to even wonder where the fuck I was.
But choices are choices. I do not have to be the hermit I am, I just prefer to be so at the moment. When something entices my attention, be sure I will enjoy it.