Hiccups

I have an innate ability that I have found that nobody else seems to have mastered, the ability to stop hiccups at will. 

Obviously, if I wanted a superhero ability, I’d prefer the ability to keep an erection long enough to satisfy a total slut, or perhaps the ability to be insanely attractive regardless of what bitches think. Ooh, I think I was slightly chauvinistic there…

Anyhow, onto the hiccups, I’m sure you sufferers would like to know. Well, email your bank account details to… No, I’m not that cruel. 

Here’s the rub, you must first understand what is happening to your body, your diaphragm is in spasm, many causes, who cares, you are hiccuping. So, what do you do, drop a key down your back? Get someone to scare you? Take a drink from the other side of a glass? Take a dump back to front on the throne? No.

Treat your diaphragm as a muscle in cramp, you need to relax it, don’t hold your breath until you turn blue, don’t beat yourself on the chest like King Kong. In fact follow KoA’s cure all, available for £1.99 at all good retail stockists. 

What I do is a simple exercise, I breathe in as far as I can slowly, I then breathe out slowly. Do this three times and bugger me sideways, I’m cured! Obviously this will not work for everyone, but remember the biology of what is happening, it just calls for some control, and if you are not in control of your own body, then you deserve to suffer. 

Kind regards.. :P